This week I did one thing that felt probably a bit batshit loopy and stayed, alone, in a treehouse within the woods. I do know. The one who will get spooked in her personal backyard.
It’s testomony to only how desperately I wanted to take away myself from all noise and distraction (impending deadline that I nonetheless can’t speak about) that I ventured out into the wilds alone, risking potential Blair Witch Venture-style eventualities and with solely a small pair of nail scissors and a laptop computer charging cable (makeshift garrote) for cover. As somebody who barricades their resort door from the within, even when there’s a reception desk two flooring down and a twenty-four hour concierge, I can’t fairly consider that I willingly took myself off to the wilderness.
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However look; I’ve made all of this sound a bit creepy. Clear your minds of the Blair Witch stuff, it was only a little bit of drama for the intro, for this treehouse, one of many Skylark Treehouses at KIP hideaways, was simply one of the vital phenomenally stress-free, superbly secluded locations that I’ve ever stayed. Anyplace.
In the event you crave solitude, in the event you lengthy for the sound of birdsong and the rustling of the bushes, neglect the resort break: two nights right here, with the outside tub and the on-deck fireplace pit and the key walkway that weaves by way of the woods…two nights right here and it’s as if you’ve had some form of thoughts and soul reset. Three nights and also you neglect that there’s the rest on the market, on the earth. You realize while you simply have completely nothing to do? And there’s nothing you can do? So that you simply turn out to be type of inert, as if you’re operating on standby mode relatively than truly switched on?
That’s how Skylark made me really feel. And keep in mind, please, that it made me really feel like this regardless of the actual fact I used to be knocking out 4 thousand phrases a day on my laptop computer, mainlining natural tea and solely often getting as much as have a shake and a stretch. In precise truth it was the proper place to plough by way of my wordcount for the deadline-I-can’t-mention-yet as a result of it was simply so fully, superbly silent.
And although half of the treehouse was completely open-air, together with an incredible – very photogenic – outside kitchen and the aforementioned bathtub and deck, the bed room and bathe room had been absolutely enclosed in a hyper-insulated, hermetically-sealed pod. Large home windows in every single place, large comfortable mattress, however a correct protected little (absolutely lockable) hotel-style room with a kitchenette (tea, espresso, oven) and massive walk-in bathe in addition to one of many best-placed bits of loo glazing I’ve seen, excessive up on the wall in order that it framed the bushes outdoors however retained complete privateness.
On the privateness factor: there are different treehouses (six homes altogether) however they’re fairly far aside. On arrival, my coronary heart did sink once I heard the faint, dulcet tones of another person’s kids (as a result of who desires to listen to different individuals’s kids once they’re attempting to calm down?) however once I leaned proper out to attempt to spot them and maybe scare them off with an evil glare the treehouse they had been in, my nearest neighbour, was actually fairly distant. In reality you’ll be able to inform how distant every one is as a result of the parking areas on the lane, two for every home, are properly spaced-out.
Right here’s the way it goes: you arrive to Skylark Treehouses through the doorway lane after which the parking for every treehouse is signposted with a bit of emblem. (They ship you all the data by electronic mail earlier than you arrive.) Every little automotive park has an electrical charging level, which is massively helpful in the event you’re an electrical car-haver and wish to recharge while you keep. (I’m a brand new electrical car-haver and nonetheless getting used to the truth that you’ll be able to’t simply pull into any outdated petrol station and replenish; having a charger at your vacation spot simply appears to be the last word, world-changing comfort at this level in my life. Extra thrilling, I feel, than even an out of doors tub.)
A non-public walkway takes you down, Swallows and Amazons model, to the doorway of your treehouse (which is lockable, and lit) and the door opens onto essentially the most attractive little outside camp, excessive up within the bushes, completely non-public and with a roof over the residing bits in order that it may be always in use. After I say camp, that is nothing like tenting; it’s tenting, I suppose, for these (hiya!) who love the scent of the outside and like being surrounded by nature however who don’t wish to get trench foot and should be inside ten metres of a totally flushing bathroom always. It appears to be like like the agricultural treehouse/tenting idyll, although a model of it you’d discover in Vogue, but it surely acts like a luxurious resort. All the greatest supplies, costly home equipment, a bin with buttons to open and shut (God how simply happy am I?) and that good, show-stopping outside tub. With solely the cows within the subject to witness your soak.
There’s a woodburner contained in the sleeping suite, in addition to radiators, so I’m fairly certain this place can be toasty as something within the wintery months, however in summer time it’s doorways thrown broad open and outside fireplace pit on, only for the atmosphere, in the event you fancy it. I didn’t, as a result of I used to be there alone and I’m an everlasting catastrophiser and imagined myself by chance setting fireplace to my very own hair and never having anybody to assist put it out. Nonetheless, it was good sitting there and listening to the near-silence, as soon as the birds had gone to sleep. With my Brixham Harbour fish pie, one of many ready-to-oven freshly-made meals the individuals at Skylark can ship to your treehouse in your arrival. It was scrumptious. And massively welcome as I’d determined prematurely that I didn’t wish to need to prepare dinner, as a result of it will have been simply one other distraction, and so it saved me from consuming muesli for dinner three nights in a row.
So to recap: you need absolute peace and quiet. You need the luxurious really feel and a focus to element {that a} resort would possibly give, however you need one thing extra secluded and personal. You’re keen on the concept of a camp-style break however desire a good mattress, full plumbing and no sense of damp. You need the ever-Instagrammable “tub beneath the celebrities” however don’t wish to hear one other soul while you lie in it and – lastly – you wish to benefit from the outdoor however really feel protected and safe.
Bingo! I don’t assume anybody would remorse a few nights right here for a complete reset. What I appreciated most was their very stern guidelines contract that you just needed to comply with and signal, promising to not make noise and to respect different friends. Bloody good. You actually do really feel as if you’re the one friends there – and it was absolutely booked on the nights that I stayed.
Costs? From £250 per evening. Perhaps barely greater than you’d count on in the event you went “glamping”, however this totally shouldn’t be glamping. It’s a full resort suite that’s fully non-public, with the advantage of a giant outside house that can be utilized all yr spherical. (There’s heating above the eating desk and the entire house is considerately lit.) It’s nowhere close to as costly as a luxurious resort suite however that’s what I’d examine it to; though the supplies contained in the sealed sleeping space had been left fairly rustic and pure, simply one of many many eco-measures right here, the fixtures and fittings had been of the very best high quality and no expense had been spared.
Had I not stayed alone, I genuinely assume that it will have been troublesome to ever depart. In precise truth, I booked one other evening on the tip of my two evening evaluate keep, so I feel that claims all of it. The mad factor was, I didn’t even enterprise out of the treehouse. I couldn’t inform you what was half a mile in any path, even an eighth of a mile. I simply wrote and wrote and wrote. In my escape pod. Which is precisely what it was.
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